I can’t stay peacefully on this Earth anymore. Not with out fascinated with Tears of the Kingdom, not less than. For instance, on that very same day, in Yellowstone, I additionally noticed a sole blue fan discarded behind a lodge. I instantly appeared round for the accompanying glider earlier than remembering that I used to be an grownup man on his means to purchase sunscreen.
I do know I’m not the one one with this illness. I do know that it is a mutated type of a illness that swept the planet after Breath of the Wild got here out. Throughout that specific pandemic, BOTW gamers started imagining that each random tower or pile of rocks had Koroks hidden on high of them. A few of these gamers would even stroll backwards, dead-eyed, to examine these rocks, earlier than by accident smacking into phone poles. I’m simply speaking about me now.
Nevertheless, this new mutation of the BOTW illness is much extra insidious. This has affected my work, my relationships, my financial savings account, and even my means to develop into wealthy and well-known. I used to have a a lot larger probability of changing into wealthy and well-known till I started taking part in Tears of the Kingdom. Actually, I might really be wealthy and well-known now if it weren’t for Tears of the Kingdom. On the finish of the day, Tears of the Kingdom is the one cause why I’m not wealthy and well-known.
Listed here are another issues that I can not do due to Tears of the Kingdom.
Drive to the grocery retailer
The individuals I care about require meals and water to outlive. Generally it’s my duty to supply these issues for them. However now I’ll not fulfill this duty and I’ll let you know why.
The opposite day, whereas driving to the shop, I seen a tall, muscular man with lengthy, shaggy hair. He was standing subsequent to some ancient-looking graffiti. Perplexed, he crossed his arms and stared silently on the mysterious markings on the wall. He wasn’t sporting pants. Why isn’t Tauro sporting pants? I questioned.
Tauro was standing close to a big, shiny, misshapen boulder. I twitched my fingers helplessly, trying to do a Rewind on it to experience it as much as a sky island.
Then actuality struck. The boulder was only a boulder, and Tauro was only a homeless man with a six-pack. What’s unsuitable with me?
Take the canine for a stroll
Once I go to my dad and mom in Virginia, I prefer to stroll our household canine, Geneva. Geneva is an enormous 140-pound Saint Pyrenees who forgets that she is connected to a leash each time she sees a rabbit. This ends in her snapping my arm like a whip in no matter route the rabbit simply ran.
What’s the assault energy of a dog-stick?
Most just lately, when Geneva did this, I believed, What number of rupees will fall out if I shoot this rabbit with an arrow? It’s advantageous as a result of the rabbit is magic. It can survive. Then Geneva separated my arm from my physique.
Then, upon returning residence, I picked up a follow throw for Geneva. However first, I believed, Can I fuse Geneva with this stick? What’s the assault energy of a dog-stick? However after I tapped the stick in opposition to her again, ready for her to fuse with it, nothing occurred. I stared at myself within the mirror that night time.
Go to the seashore
The opposite day, close to the seashore, I seen some new sky islands. Then I spotted these have been simply thunderclouds and that it was not really a good suggestion to be on the seashore. Nevertheless, it was too late. I saved strolling. Passing underneath a slender overhang, I instinctively raised my head and appeared for the inexperienced dot that allows you to Ascend.
However there was no inexperienced dot. There was an AC unit, nonetheless, that started to drip condensation into my eyes.
The triggers have been coming rapid-fire now; my signs have been getting worse. I noticed a automobile restore store with rows of wheels alongside its partitions; I questioned if I may fuse these with the ‘No Vacancies’ signal that I’d seen at Motel 6. That was sufficient to Autobuild a automobile! Then I noticed a backpack on the road and wished to drive the poor Korok inside it to the chimney of smoke that I’d seen rising from a distant dumpster hearth.
Lastly, on the seashore, I peered into the murky, brown waters of the ocean and thought, Didn’t I already beat the Water Temple?
Issues have been actually dangerous now. I wanted some sort of answer.
The answer
In case you have the identical drawback as me, then I don’t know what to let you know aside from: Publicity remedy is perhaps the perfect plan of action right here.
You see, in any case of these false begins, actuality checks, and pretend Tauros, I got here to the belief that I might by no means really shake my affliction. In any case, if this illness may discover me in the course of Yellowstone, then it may discover me anyplace. It was just like the monster from It Follows. Plus, if I actually continued to see Fuse and Ultrahand prospects in the true world, then I may at all times faucet Geneva with one other follow remind myself that sticks and canines don’t fuse collectively to kind dog-sticks. Generally a actuality verify is drugs sufficient.
Or I may simply go skydiving! In line with TOTK, you may dive safely from 1000’s of toes within the air. You solely have to recollect to drag out a loincloth simply earlier than you hit the bottom.
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